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“Are you kidding me? I have to wear a dress?”

The dress code for Mary Kay is always a dress or skirt. Consultants are encouraged to wear black and white and as you move up the career ladder you have other specified suits to wear. Pants are frowned upon, if not forbidden.

It has been years since I wore a dress. In fact, I purchased a dress the week my sister died in 2013 because I didn’t have a dress appropriate for her funeral. Even then I was well into the obese category and hated the way I looked in general, much less in a dress. But I did wear a dress (and panty hose!!) so that I could represent the family well when I spoke from the lectern in church.

So now, here I am in a sea of “Mary Kay uniform-clad” ladies of all shapes and sizes. I’m wearing a hand-me-down dress and a brand new pair of black ballet flats (higher heels are hell to wear when you are heavy!)

I feel a bit like the family dog that has been dressed up with bunny ears for Easter. Yet I want to fit in and I don’t want to embarrass my friend, Debi, who got me into this cult in the first place.

No it is not really a cult, but to an outsider or a rank newbie who doesn’t like following dress code rules and strict guidelines, it does feel like pressure.

Truth be told, when I was 100 lbs or even 75 lbs lighter, I LOVED wearing dresses and skirts and high heels. I miss those days when I felt young and energetic. I was at my lowest weight in 2005 and 2006. and for the years of 1992 – 2010, I was really at a healthy weight. I was athletic and toned. I danced, practiced yoga seriously, and in 1996 was completing sprint triathlons. Damn, I want to be that girl again!

I’m taking it one day at a time and allowing that spirit to rise up in me. I’m giving myself space to remember how my body can feel when it is healthy.

With each day, each breath, my longing and determination to regain those feelings grows stronger.

You may not long to wear a dress, but what one thing have you not allowed yourself to do, or way to be lately? What is holding you back?

What one thing could you do to move even an inch closer to what you want?

I wore that dress, so I know you can do whatever it is you need to. Just do it, as they say.